If only it would end...{open}

[Vantha {in college}]

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies[/i]

You know, everyone pictures arabians and their crosses to be beautiful, elegant and full of piss and vinegar but sometimes, sometimes things happen to ruin that so you don't feel like prancing around....I'm one of those stories.[/color]

Long slender pillars plodded along, flints placed delicately. Beautiful silvery white pelt stretched over the frame of the delicate looking morab. Ivory forelock was tossed out of deep cocoa colored opticals with a quick toss of the chiseled dial.
I was the epitome of the morab breed. If I wanted I could have outshown any mare but I saw no point. I wanted no company. They all hated me. Mares hated me because I was prettier than them, stallions wanted to use me as foal factories. I just wanted to be loved. I wanted to belong. It wasn't such a radical wish was it?

You see, when I was younger I met with a young light stallion who was sweet as could and pledged he would never leave me and would never have another mare. I went to his herd and he left me shortly after. Lights are suppossed to be the good guys but he betrayed me. What could I have done?

Limbs strayed to a halt as facade was lifted. Nares flared taking in the scents of the all the mares that had been here before and where here. The scent of stallions was there as well. It made my heart beat against my ribs faster, maybe now I would find someone?
I didn't trust stallions. They lied. They said that they would love only you and then they went and had other mares that they spouted the same lies to. Go ahead, say that you want twenty mares. I won't mind. I just want the truth.

That was my problem with the light. He lied to me and broke my trust. How could I believe anything else he said after wards? Tell me you want to use me as a foal factory, tell me you're going to have a herd of hundreds but please don't lie. Never lie.

A soft sigh escaped velvet soft maw as the soulful gaze fell to the ground. One stilt pawed at the ground slightly, digging a small little hole.
I wouldn't be wanted here really even. The mares would run me away due to my looks. The stallions would probably flock around me since I was such a young beauty, and the fact that I was in heat.
My banner flicked gently as I stood in the bright sunlight of noontide. Just waiting. Waiting, it seems to be the thing that I do the best.

Who will come? I get sick of waiting, it takes its toll on one. Will it be a kind and honest stallion? I hoped so, but I know my dreams are in vain, there is no such thing as an honest stallion anymore.[/size]

When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
But I'm nothing but a shell anymore....

[Rare]

Kachess burst forth from the forest at top speed. He needed to run, and fast. No danger followed him, but his internal struggles forced him into an uncharacteristic venting mode. The sun was bright overhead and shone off his creamy coat in rays. The wind whipped up and around him, slapping his neck and quarters with his long chocolate mane and tail.

He ran past a few courting groups and picked up speed, not wanting to catch their curious glances. A flock of birds up ahead, perhaps a hundred yards in front of him, took to flight. Perhaps he could catch up with them. How he wanted to fly...

He lept over a small knoll, and was forced to look down to assure his footing. It was then that he spotted the white mare directly in his path. He stepped on the breaks immediately, but given the fresh dew on the meadow he was forced to negotiate and slipped. He dug in his back feet , but only succeeded in spraying the mare with soggy mud and blades of young grass. His embarrassing slide ended with him sitting completely in his rear and ears flatted to the sides in an attempt to apologize.

"Sorry," He began. "I promise I really didn't see you there."

He found his footing again and started to pad off, at a much milder place, hoping against hope that she wasn't going to bite his head off about his little accident.

[Vantha {in college}]

All stallions are the same in the end aren't they? I've only known two, one being my sire and the other my first and only love. Does that even count?

I shifted, my banner flicking against my hocks gently as I stood patiently. My limbs itched to move away, to run. To avoid the coming trouble. I sighed softly, shifting my limbs so that I would soon be walking again, that is until I heard the hoof-beats of a fast approaching horse.
A heavier sigh escaped my maw. Too slow. Now I'd been in for it. I backed away noting that the stallion had crested the tor and had begun sliding down it. This wasn't good.
I whirled, thanking the arabian blood for once with the quickness of my limbs. I halted hearing him speak. And apologizing?! I snorted in disbelief, eyeing him calmly.
"Your name?" I called out as he started to walk away, though my own hooves stayed still.

Well, he certainly isn't like any other stallion I've met. But maybe that's because I've only met two. I hate being young at times, but I'm not that young am I?[/i][/color]

[Rare]

Kachess halted and went absolutely rigid. Uh oh, he hoped she didn't have someone she could go to....and certainly not someone who would give him any trouble.
What was he thinking? It was a simple accident, and nothing to get too offended over. And even if another stallion or mare didn't see it that way, that's just how it was, and what he would stick to.
He let out a soft sigh, releasing the tension in his body and inclined his head toward her, his unusual blue eyes glinting in the fresh light of the day.
It was time to be the calm, cool and collected stallion he knew he was.
"My name is Kachess, and yours?" He smiled, curious to see her reaction to his question.
He couldn't lie to himself, she was stunningly beautiful. But he couldn't bring himself to continue to see her that way. Mares were a bloody nuisance. They sucked the life out of everything, and though at times he wished he didn't find himself so startlingly alone, it was best. He would probably second guess that statement later as well.
The jaded part of his personality was a bother too. He remembered when he was a care free stallion, running with the wind across any land he so wished. Never staying in any one place for long he saw much and grew in personality and intelligence at an alarming pace. In his old herd, he was constantly sought after until...
His revere caused a sudden darkness to cloud over his odd eyes dulling them from shining sapphires to a liquid cobalt.
Surely he was thinking too much.

[Vantha {in college}]

He's like me....he knows what pain the opposite gender causes....Is it really true? Or an act? I hope it's not an act.

I shifted slightly, expecting him to just keep walking away from me, but he stopped and turned to speak to me. He stated his name was Kachess and then asked for my own title. I snorted gently flicking my harks slightly.
"Miseria Cantare, Miseria for short." I said calmly. Would he know the meaning of my name? Misery Singing, Misery for short. Misery was all I had left in my life so why should I answer to anything but that? I saw no reason to.
I was all for giving him a snotty look so he wouldn't try his best to claim me. Then I realized that I was in the middle of the claiming grounds so what else could I expect from stallions? And then I saw the look in his eyes change. I was suddenly drawn to him. He knew what it was like to be hurt, unless I was mistaken.
"So who hurt you?" I asked, although my tone was tender. Oh I knew what it was like alright. The pain still tore my heart up. The reasons why I didn't like to be around stallions. But perhaps a stallion that knew what the pain felt like wouldn't do that me? I could only hope.

Please don't let this be an act. Please don't let him be a liar. Please don't let this be a dream. Please....

[Rare]

"So who hurt you?"

His eyes grew hard at that, offering her a sharp edged stare. He could feel his heart picking up, aching against the walls of his chest with each hard beat.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," he said quietly. He never spoke of the pain he felt, mostly because the reasoning was so incredibly appalling. He wasn't meant to have those sorts of feelings, and learned that the hard way.
Misery...she suited his mood. She'd never understand or accept his pain, the reasoning for it, the shame. But somehow he was drawn to confide in her, because, oddly, he found himself near to her in spirit, kindred.

The wind picked up, blowing his chocolate mane over his eyes, hiding them from view. He was somewhat relieved to have the chance to vent about this particular subject. She was a stranger, she could think what she willed.

"I cannot say her name," He started. "To speak it brings me pain I cannot begin to describe to you."

He glanced up at the sky, where the birds flew unhindered, wheeling around each other in innocent displays of freedom.

"I loved the wrong one."

[Vantha {in college}]

He does....he really does. This has to be a dream, nothing works out this well for me. Or perhaps its just my lucky day?

He said he didn't know what I was talking about and gave me a peircing glare. Oh darling I've dealt with that so well. I know what's going on. The pain burns at your heart. Tears want to flow forth but you don't want to vent your feelings. I know. I know oh so well. I've dealt with this pain for years now.
I eyed him calmly even though his stare. It did not phase me, and then his forelock covered his orbs, hiding his gaze. Then he spoke, stating he could not say the mare's name and that he loved the wrong one.
"You have no idea what pain I've dealt with." I said, low and almost a snarl. Anger? That was something new to me. Something I had never known. Sadness, happiness, pain, depression I knew those well, but anger? "I loved a light stallion, he betrayed me. How do you think that felt knowing that a horse that is suppossed to be a good guy lied to me?" I continued, voice still low but no longer nearing a snarl.
I swung my dial away, eyes burning with furious tears. I hated speaking of that stallion. It refreshed the pain as I even thought of him. The day I met him. My beautiful, beautiful lover. The black heart laying in wait. He'd decieved my father and won my heart, and then he promised to never leave or favor a mare higher than me. I went to his herd and that very day he broke his vow. What could I have done?
I blinked furiously, trying to rid myself of the tears. I habored this pain for years, it's always building. Each stallion I meet builds it up since they always lie. It never fails.

Why should I even bother with him? He thinks I don't know what heartache is. He doesn't know what I've been through. Stallions just see a pretty face with a beautiful body, they don't see the real me.[/i][/color]

[Rare]

Kachess caught the anger in her voice and inwardly winced. He hadn't meant to offend her in any way. He supposed that's what he got though, for not considering her life situation. He was, by nature, a kind and gentle soul, and whenever he caused another grief, he tended to beat himself up for it.
He turned toward her, opening himself up and making himself appear more vulnerable. The light stallion she spoke of seemed typical for his lot. All full of themselves, enough to live with the delusion that they were any better than the darks. He came to the conclusion long ago that everyone harbored a bit of light and darkness within themselves. He wanted to tell Misery, but he feared that would only aggravate her, something he was trying to alleviate already.
Then, moving on instinct, he came up quietly beside her and leaned against her in a purely comforting gesture. It was like something one would do if a member of his herd were in emotional turmoil.
He then knew he would have to take her mind out of whatever dark depths it was sinking to. Perhaps he should begin to tell her his story. Sometimes, it made one feel better to focus and listen to another's problems and shed light on their own.
"She was my sister," He said, more matter-of-fatly than he felt. "The most wonderful soul I've encountered. She was smart, brave, kind and beautiful. I knew of my mistake in loving her early on, but it's hard to control your feelings when you're in love...right?" His voice broke slightly, and he struggled to maintain proper cadence. "After many months, I made the decision to tell her of my feelings, hoping she'd feel the same way. However, she was not all she seemed to be...much like that stallion of yours. I was ridiculed by my herd after they had all found out. My father and mother looked at me with disgust etched into their eyes. So I left, and that's how I ended up here."
After he finished, he realized he was leaning on her more than he meant to and immediately broke contact out of embarrassment. If he could have blushed, his face would have turned the hue of roses.

[Vantha {in college}]

You are like me....this can't be fake, I would never come up with something like that.

I eyed the stallion sharply as he suddenly seemed hurt by my words. Inwardly I was sorry I had hurt him, but everything isn't as bad as it seems. Of course our own lives always seem worse than others don't they?
I sighed slightly when he leaned against my frame before speaking of his own heart-break story. I was mildly surprised when he said it was his sister. But then again sometimes the one closest to the heart is one who's been then all the time.
"My father had sought out my stallion, searched for a stallion that would treat me right. The stallion deceived my father, and my dam who is a good judge of character, and me. He promised never to leave me, never to favor a mare more than me. I was young and easily swayed. I went him, I loved him dearly for not knowing him for so long. Only a couple days after we had returned to his home that he left me for another mare. I stayed for some time, hoping and praying he would return to me. I left only when his mother came to me and told me to go back to my father. I fled. I couldn't go back to my sire, I could not worry my parents. I've met a few stallions, but they're always the same, they lie about their true intentions." I said, almost whispering.
I turned my dial away from him and noticed that he had shifted away. I blinked furiously, not wanting to let my tears flow. I hated crying in front of others. I sighed heavily and shook out my pelt.

And you think you have it tough. How can I ever trust another after what he did to me?

[Rare]

Kachess tilted his head at her. Her wounds were still incredibly fresh. After so long, living with his pain, he found it easier and easier to push it out of his mind and move on. She, however, needed something big to cause her to forget, even for a little while.

His ears swiveled back and forth while he was thinking. Adventure, learning...they all facilitated thoughts that rarely fostered depression. He wondered...

He jumped a little, his forelimbs splayed to the side giving him a playful appearance. "Have you ever been to the sea?" He asked, amping his voice up with excitement, hoping to make her feel a little interested.

He had suddenly, and without noticing, taken it upon himself to cheer her up. He'd make her forget about that light stallion of hers if he had to drag her kicking and screaming to happy land. His obligation might have stemmed from her not treating him with disdain after he told his story. He was thankful for that in more ways than he could voice.

[Vantha {in college}]

How typical. Trying to distract everything from the pain. The pain consumes all though, it always has and always will. It will win in the end.....

I shifted calmly, gaze drifting towards the ground before my dial lowered. Ivories were bared as they shredded the grass. Outwardly I may seem calm, but my mind was in turmoil. What should I do? I didn't want to deal with this. I never asked for it either. If only I was some ugly beast of a mare or something, nothing like this would happen. No I had to be attractive. Why?
I sighed heavily though I looked up eyeing the stallion when he asked if I'd seen the ocean. I couldn't remember. I did not bother with those things anymore, more or less my life revolved around staying away from stallions and the pain they caused me.
"I don't remember if I have or not." I said quietly. Think what you will about me. All I know is that while on the outside I may seem like a normal mare inwardly I'm basically a stress-ball that doesn't know what to do anymore.

I hate my life...I wish it was over and yet at the same time I'm scared of death and I have the feeling that there's something or perhaps someone out there for me. Such a foolish notion....

[Rare]

Kachess frowned.
She was a toughy. But before he resorted to drastic measures, he'd try a different approach.

Flicking his tail, he turned from the mare and called, not looking at her. "I'm going to go breathe the salty air. It makes me feel better. You're welcome to come along if you want. If not, I guess I'll see you around." He turned his head back, the sun once again shining in his unusual blue eyes. "If you ever need someone to talk to you can find me at Vista Point. And, he added, I'm rarely there, so it's a good place if you just want to be alone. However, if you need me just call."

With that he picked his head up and trotted off, hoping that she would find some sort of reason to visit him again. He'd find her again, that he knew for certain.