Miseria Cantare-Beginning of the End

[Vantha {in college}]

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies[/i]

You know, everyone pictures arabians and their crosses to be beautiful, elegant and full of piss and vinegar but sometimes, sometimes things happen to ruin that so you don't feel like prancing around....I'm one of those stories.[/color]

Long slender pillars plodded along, flints placed delicately. Beautiful silvery white pelt stretched over the frame of the delicate looking morab. Ivory forelock was tossed out of deep cocoa colored opticals with a quick toss of the chiseled dial.
I was the epitome of the morab breed. If I wanted I could have outshown any mare but I saw no point. I wanted no company. They all hated me. Mares hated me because I was prettier than them, stallions wanted to use me as foal factories. I just wanted to be loved. I wanted to belong. It wasn't such a radical wish was it?

You see, when I was younger I met with a young light stallion who was sweet as could and pledged he would never leave me and would never have another mare. I went to his herd and he left me shortly after. Lights are suppossed to be the good guys but he betrayed me. What could I have done?

Limbs strayed to a halt as facade was lifted. Nares flared taking in the scents of the mare and stallion that where already here. Weight was shifted uncomfortably.
I hardly knew anything about the stallion I had come to live with, save that he was an appaloosa named Arsenic and he was a dark. I figured if a light had betrayed me perhaps a dark wouldn't. Most where brutally honest and I didn't mind that, but I didn't like deceptiveness.

That was my problem with the light. He lied to me and broke my trust. How could I believe anything else he said after wards? Tell me you want to use me as a foal factory, tell me you're going to have a herd of hundreds but please don't lie. Never lie.

A soft sigh escaped velvet soft maw as the soulful gaze fell to the ground. One stilt pawed at the ground slightly, digging a small little hole.
I wouldn't be wanted here really. The mare and stallion probably wanted to be left alone. I would be the third wheel and the mare would see me as competition for her stallion's affections.
Banner flicked over hocks, scent released. Thankfully it was autumn and close to winter. I couldn't be expected to bear young at this time, it would be too risky both of us could die. Why my thoughts where on foals I wouldn't know. I would never find a stallion to settle down with.

Try to prove me wrong. It'll only end in the same way as my first stallion. You'll lie and I'll leave, my faith broken once again, perhaps I'll never be able to trust another[/size]

When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
But I'm nothing but a shell anymore....

[ELiAS]

I'm not the one who's so far away
When I feel the snake bite enter my veins.
Never did I wanna be here again,
And I don't remember why I came.
Candles raise my desire,
Why I'm so far away.
No more meaning to my life,
No more reason to stay.
Freezing, feeling,
Breathe in, breathe in...
I'm coming back again...
I'm not the one who's so far away
When I feel the snake bite enter my veins.

[/color][/left]

Hell. Thats all earth is, is hell. But here, in Orphis, I've been able to construct my own little peace of less hellish-hell. Its quite complicated, you see, but I've been able to figure out that the more company you have the more the hell gets compacted and isn't so far reaching and... yeah. Its quite complicated.

[/size]

I wasn't anything special, so I'm not gonna dress myself up. I'm quite petite, actually, at only 15.2, with a smallish, thinnish cranium thats packed to the brim with usable stuff. My eyes are brown and often get that little hint of white that the Appaloosa breed is known for. My smallish body was covered in black leopard spots placed here and there and everywhere. My legs stretched, daggers implanted into the soggy marsh and pulled me along. I believed that most mares- now, keyword is most- were nothing but tools, sad side effects- like the pitiful Blue I had claimed, she was filled to the brim with nothingness. Well, my belief on that was because I had never met one to convince me otherwise. Can you so blame me?

When I was born, I was beautiful, and unspoiled... my mother loved me, my father saw potential in me. Potiential. He abused me, physically and verbally, until I got stronger, smarter. I started turning his words against him and winning arguments, which wouldn' t even make him smile, he'd just go and pick on one of my other siblings who hadn't learned the technique. [/i]

So I had a new mare, coming to live with me today, a morab. Blue had been begging for some company, and I wasn't about to start waiting on her hoof and heart, but she was right and I needed some more mares. I was already going to have a son or daughter that would grow up to hate me, and I was perfectly fine with that- a son is a stallion, and has to breed, wether he lates his lineage or not, and a daughter will get bred, therefore passing my genes and brains on to the next foal.

So this new mare... heh, I do hope shes not worried about contest between her and Blue, because I assure you there was none. Blue was one that was just a tool, a foal factory. Blue had about as much chance as becoming my lead or lover as a rock did of being born. I don't care if she snuggled up to me, she was an empty thing.[/i]

As my optics finally found her, I was amazed at how beautiful she was. But what remains to be seen was how full she was inside the skull. I gave a little whinny of my approach and cantered towards her, bending in a wide circle and stopping about six feet away from her delicate bod. I didn't want to seem pushy. Why, hello there. You must be Miseria Cantare, am I right? I asked. [/size][/center]

Never did I wanna be here again,
And I don't remember why I came.
Hazing clouds rain on my head,
Empty thoughts fill my ears.
Find my shade by the moonlight,
Why my thoughts aren't so clear.
Demons dreaming,
Breathe in, breathe in...
I'm coming back again...
I'm not the one who's so far away
When I feel the snake bite enter my veins.
Never did I wanna be here again,
And I don't remember why I came

[/color][/size]

[Vantha {in college}]

Love your hate, your faith lost
You are now one of us
Love your hate, your faith lost
You are now one of us
Nothing from nowhere, I'm no one at all
Radiate, recognize one silent call
As we all form one dark flame... Incinerate

Will this stallion be any different from my first love? Yes that stallion had been my lover, but he had lied so I couldn't trust him. All stallions where liars in my book though. I wasn't the sweet innocent and trusting filly I had been.

Boa bent gracefully to lower the delicate dial to the ground. Ivories glinted dully as they where bared to rip at the vegegation. Molars ground together before swallowing. Process was repeated only a couple more times before dial was lifted to scan the horizon again.
A gentle sigh escaped my maw again. I should go find them otherwise I would like be left alone. Pillars stirred taking a couple steps towards where the scent of the mare and stallion seemed to be strongest though they stray to a halt as my dial lifted, harks flicking forward when I heard a call.

Was I wrong already about him? Or where mares just tools for him? Something for him to get pleasure from and move on. Or was he trying to sweeten the deal so I wouldn't be bitter with him?

Weight shifted slightly as the deep opticals watched him calmly. If one actually looked into them they would see the pain, hurt and distrust that plagued my mind, but nobody looked that deep.
I looked him over calmly noting that he was a leopard appaloosa and nothing else was truly unsual that would stick in my mind. Wasn't his fault, but I'd just met him.

Miseria Cantare.....Misery Singing, how aptly I had been named. Misery seemed to be my only company anymore. I didn't know how the Singing part came into play, but maybe soon enough I'll know.

Dial was bobbed slightly to the stallion, noting dryly that he had given me some space. Was he really a dark? He didn't seem like it.
And he was up on his homework it seemed. He knew my name at least. I merely nodded confirming that I was Miseria Cantare, though there would be a slight modification. "Miseria." I said simply, lyrics gentle and soft but there was no room for arguement.

Don't contest me about that either. Misery better suits me than Misery Singing or even Singing. Misery is all I have left so I am Misery. It makes sense if you knew everything about me, which thankfully he didn't and wouldn't.

Ivory banner flicked over the matching hocks, shooing the pests away from my unscarred pelt.
"Go ahead, start unloading your lies." I said icily. It was only a matter of time before he did. My first had done it right from the get-go. He would be the same.

All stallions are the same. They only think of one thing and one thing only. Their own pleasure. They think nothing of the mares.

Nothing from nowhere, I'm no one at all
Radiate, recognize one silent call
As we all form one dark flame
As we all form one dark flame
As we all...
Love your hate, your faith lost
You are now one of us
Love your hate, your faith lost
You are now one, one of us[/size]
Yet I belong nowhere....[/size][/i]